Thursday, July 21, 2011

how do you feel or react when other parent discipline your child?

I know we all tend to be protective over our kids but the fact remains, if a parent sees other kids misbehave and their actions may put their own children in harms way, then they should step in and take charge of the situation. I was on that situation too, when a boy hit one of my son and the mom not discipline her child, it can be frustrated. But  "What gives anyone the right to yell at my child?" "Let me be the one to tell my child 'no.' I don't think it's right at all."its very confusing right? Even more when I know that my child is not doing anything bad.
If a parent is watch their kids then there shouldn't be a reason for other mom to step in. But with that being said there are way to many parents that just sit back and gab with their friends and have no idea what their kid is doing, who is not my case, even with 4 boys I make sure I have my eyes on everyone. So this is very complicated in both sides of the story.

Yesterday we were at our local kiddie pool, and my kids were playing with other boy with a beach ball. One of the kids throw the ball and accidentally hit a other mom who was with her  2 years old daughter. The woman turn to my 7years old (Nacho), she say that he is too big to play there, in fact she talk to him like if he was 12years old instead of 7. I didn't say anything to her this time because my son respond to her very well, in fact I'm very proud of him, he say "sorry mam, it was an accident, I didn't throw that ball but I was playing too, I will make sure this no happen again we apologize"The woman just put a grumpy face and walk away.
Nacho at 11 months with me

 Even that I love how my polite son respond to her,  I feel like mad, because he is always receives a bad look because of his size, I mean he is a big boy weight 9lb 12oz at birth, and son of a big men and well I'm not short neither, exclusive breastfeed  until he wean at 3 years old he was always a big boy, at 1 year old he
weight 40lb, at 5 years old he was at 70lb, he is now 7years old  56in and 115lb Nacho looks big and rude but he is a sweet pie, and very kind with the little ones, he is always helping others, especially his baby brother Thomy-tomato.

 I feel bad for him, people always judge him  by his appearance. When he was little I always jump on his defend, but now he is teaching me how his wonderful personality can change any
bad situation. Other moms at the kiddie pool were impressed on how sweet and gentle he really is
with little kids.
Nacho yesterday, holding Thomy-tomato

 He always make me proud, he can be sweet and funny, Nacho came to my life to make us learn from him and appreciate every moment. He sometimes can be a clown, sometimes can be a teacher, a guardian or even a little daddy for his younger siblings. He is always helping me, in fact, if wasn't for him I wouldn't wear shoes
while pregnant with Tomy-tomato.
Nacho helping me to put my shoes on when I was pregnant.

Love you Nacho-man, please never change you're my sweet pie son
Nacho making us pee in our pants pretending he is pregnant.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Surviving the criticism and society

I'm just tired of criticism, I been face criticism my entire life. Not only for been a teen mom, for everything I do. Its looks like it was never be enough  to make my family proud of me.

Some days ago, one person wrote in Teen and young mom facebook wall(,  that we just ruined our lives. I deleted the post because I want that Teen and young mom be a safe place for us to share our experience, and support each other "criticism free" . And because I believe that motherhood is something beautiful and deserve our respect. A child not ruined his mother life, a child came to our life to give us strength and love. In my case my son saved me, my boys are the reason for me to stand in this life.

I'm not saying that been a teen/young mom is the best, in fact is a hard work, instead of going out with your friends, dedicated to school, sports etc. You need to grow up fast and put your self away, and give up important part of childhood.

But that doesn't mean you ruined your life, you just living your life different.
society  tell us that perfect life is :

1- finish your career
2-get married ( if you are lucky enough to find time between career and work)
3- buy a house, travel around the world etc
4- then have a baby

Sound perfect right? well all of us growing up with this in mind, even my self. But life is not that easy, you have obstacles to face. People need to make mistakes, that's the only way that the human will learn, some will make less mistake than others but at the end all will make mistakes.

Well society teach us that we need to be perfect to be accepted, that we need to do what they expect us to do to have a great life. But what happened when you don't do it in the order that the others want it? let me tell you the answer, they criticize you, some or a very few will give you encourage or support, but most people will be really rude and judge you

I face that all my life, when I was a little girl all that I wanted is make my mom proud.  But she never say anything encourage to me, she never help me or ask for my homework, she never had time to check with my  teachers .I'm not judging her, she was a teen mom and her life wasn't easy.

 When I start sports (jockey) I wanted to be the best, soon I realized that no one in my family care about my jockey practice, so I give up. Months later they tell me that I was lazy  because I wasn't doing anything, so I start ice skating, soon I found out how good I was, I even won a trophy. A year later my mom say she can't take me to my practice because she was too busy.

Between the age of 7 to 15 I did jockey, ice skating, ballet, swimming, soccer, volleyball, drama, painting, music, etc. For one reason or other I have to give it up, and every time I did, my family say that I was lazy and I can't committed, "you never finish what you start" they say.

Soon I understood that I can't make them happy, what I need is find my own happiness. So I believed that I will never will be something in this life, my grades start  to go down, I lose interest in everything, I start smoking in fact I was lost. My life didn't matter any more so I was going to ruin it.
When I turn 15 well I get pregnant, you can read my pregnancy story here .
It was hard at 16 have a son, work, study and please my family. My mom was starting a new relationship and as usual I was left out, so I focus in my studies and my son, who at that point became the most important reason to succeed.

Now I no have to make my family happy, I no need they to be proud of me. The most important opinion in my life is in my son. He is the one that one day have to be proud of me, he is the one who matters now, he was my little family.

My son give me the strength and the power of believe in my self. He was the reason to push my self to success. I don't know how my life will be if a wasn't pregnant at 16, maybe I would had a good career, may be not,  provably not.

Thinking back on how was my experience in school, and everything I was trying to do (jockey, soccer, ballet, etc) and how I give up everything because I felt that no body care, it was a good chance that I wouldn't succeed.

I think that all that happen to us in this life is for a reason, maybe it wasn't the best
that I had my son at 16, but thanks to that I'm the person who I'm today, thanks to
that I finish what I start, thanks to my son I not give up any more. I have a reason
why stay in this life.

I have a career, I get married, I buy a house, and I have good vacations, I'm not a millionaire but I can not complain. But maybe I couldn't have all this today if I didn't had my son at 16. And for sure I couldn't have the great life that I have today if my boys were not here today.

"Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It's about understanding that he is exactly the person he is supposed to be. And that, if you're lucky, he just might be the teacher that turns you into the person you are supposed to be." -- Joan Ryan