Thursday, November 10, 2011

How my divorce almost affect my breastfeeding, and how we still strong

Finally I'm strong enough to talk about it, and I feel the need to do it. No just for me, but for many more who can relate this story to they own. Unfortunately I'm not the only one on go through a situation like this, and I don't think it was because of the fact of been a teen and a young mom. This can happen to any one at any age


After a long journey, 3 kids and all the ups and downs I was convince that I get to the point of a good marriage. at that point I thought that we have a good marriage a unbreakable one, even if the inside was telling me all the time that we were not.
I didn't listen...
After a brain surgery and fighting with some health issues, we thought that another baby will make your marriage stronger, I believe that one more baby will complete our family. After months of trying it finally happened, my little miracle start growing inside me.

After a difficult pregnancy, full of complications, a lot of bed rest who ended on a c-section at 36 weeks. This amazing life come and fill of joy my heart.
I was so in love with this new life, this perfect picture that I always had in my mind.
A lovely husband, four amazing kids a new house. My health still give me some trouble but who cares about that when you have such a wonderful blessing in your life.

Soon I realized that I was living a big lie, full of lies and unfair things. He was living with us, eating dinner with us, going to vacation with us. But he was not  with us any more. His heart belong to someone else. The communication between us drop to nothing and we became 2 strangers living under the same roof.

My tank of love was completely empty, of course I have the love of my kids but I mean the love that we need from a partner, it was no love there.

Finally the day came when he confess that it was someone else in his life, he left that same night.
All this happen in the same month of my 3 older kiddos birthdays, he never came to celebrate with the boys. He was already too busy in his new family.

It was really hard, the hardest thing I ever been through (and I been through a lot all my life) but had to saw my kids with an  inconsolable cry, asking me question that I couldn't even answer my self was really hard, heart breaking.

Even if my own heart was in pain for all this situation, I must put my own pain, my own feelings as side to be strong for my boys.

This past 2 months was the hardest of my life, is not only that he left ( I'm sure that is for better) but my mom is with him, and they were trying to put me in a mental health facility and take my kids away from me. They were insulted me, confusing the boys, they cut my power and water off in my house. It was just too much to soon.

As you can imagine all this not only affect me mentally but fiscally too. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat I was exhausted. I drop 25 lbs in 3 weeks (OK that's not so bad) but all this affect my milk supply in a very drastic way. Thomy-tomato who always was a healthy baby, even with the fact of been born a months early, he is a strong baby. But the same week his father left he start having a tremendous fever that no go down. He stop gaining weight and I was so scared that my breastfeeding relationship it was getting to an end.
I couldn't accept that, no only for the reason that he do not take bottles or accept food yet. Now more than ever I need that relationship and those coddles with him, breastfeed him make me happy, make me proud and I feel complete even if I had part of my heart empty.

"I will not give up breastfeeding" I say to my self, what was the next step? find help, and support. And you know what? I found it!!!.  Some of that support came for people close to me, some came from people who don't know me, who live miles aways but with an awesome heart extend a lovely hand to me.

Mother's milk tea and fenugreek help a lot, but the most important help was the love and care that I received from other moms that I found on The Leaky b@@b, one of them send me a box with this tea, the fenugreek, some vitamins and new cloth for Thomy. What I love the most is the note he wrote me. I pray every night for her and I promise to past the favor to other mom in need.

My other big support came from locals moms and friends, who do not let me alone in the bad darkest days.Thanks to my very good friends Gale and Melvin, because they were there for me and they still there for me every time I need them. You know what is amazing about them? I meet them on the big latch on this past world breastfeeding week and soon we became good friends.

In this hard times, I found a great support. Maybe they think they not do too much, but they did, just with listen to me when I need it, or give me a must needed advice they help a lot.The teachers on my kids school, the principal, the counselor, moms and dads of my kiddos peers. My friends on Facebook.

My family isn't close to me, most of them are in Argentina. But thanks to Facebook

My aunt in Miami she was awesome on support me and pick me up on those days when I feel my world falling apart, she help me to trust God and let the thing be. I'm learning to be patient and calm. Resolving everything that comes one day at the time. Thanks Roxana and Roberto for all the support.

How I can still stand up, with my smile on my face and my desired to live? the answer for that is God give me fight and my boys keep me strong.They are taking this in a very mature way for they ages and I'm so proud of them even more now but right now I'm the one who want them to feel proud of me. I want to show them how strong I can be and that my fight for them will never end.

Now we are celebrating 9 months of exclusive breastfeed. He just start trying solid like 2 weeks ago but breast milk still his first source of nutrition and he is doing great, at 20lb 30z 31in he is healthy as can be, he learn to crawl 2 months ago and he is standing and trying to walk already.

Everything happen for a reason, better thing are coming to my way and here I am waiting for it. Is not the end of the story, is just a new beginning for better. I still have more pages to write in this book of life.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Happy 5th birthday my mini me...

Tatito you came to my life and safe me and I always will thanks God for that.
Soon after you born I realize that you was more than a  beautiful boy, more than my son, You was more special than you ever imagin.

You make me proud, you amaze me every day even more.. 
And you are so kind and sweet that you even realize how special and smart you are. 
Or maybe you do, and you just love mess up with me.
You are my mini me in so many ways, but I wish I can learn to be more like you one day.

When you try to teach me Math, or the solar system, or how many calories I should eat. I just want to hold you, and kiss you like when you was a baby, and then you stop me and start talking about the germs and my heart melt. I wish I can hold you and stop you for growing so fast, But I understand  how special you are and how big my responsibilities are  guiding you in this life. 

You will fly my son, may be faster than I thought but I will be there for you. Don't get frustrated with the world, don't put yourself in a bubble. Show your knowledge, express yourself and live your life to the fullest.I will be there for you, celebrating all your achievements

Happy 5th Birthday Tatito Mama Love you a lot.
PS: I'm not sure if I can make you a cake with 30 sprinkles in a perfect cirlce but I will try...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Happy 8 birthday my big boy

Nacho, I want to thank you my big boy.

Thank you for been my light on my darkest day. 
Thanks you for be the funniest, sweetest boy who change my world with just a smile.
I love you, I love you even more than you can imaged my cutie pie.

Thank you for teach me, I'm  learning  from you cutie pie.
I was very blessed with you. 
You are my joy, you are my helper and my cutie pie.

Today you are turning 8 years old, is a happy day for you. You love chocolate cake, a special breakfast and presents. You will enjoy your day to the fullest as you usually do, with your big smile and lovely checks.
today I celebrate 8 years of endless fun, franks, coddles and love. you turn my life into an endless adventure.

My wish for you my son today is simple, is not a great party or cake.
My wish for you is that you never change, please never loss your kindness sweetie pie.

Nacho I want to be like you when I grow up <3 
I love son Happy Birthday 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A letter to my son "Lautaro"

We meet on this day 10 years ago, but my heart was already loving you even before your conception.

I will never forget that day, 10 years ago. You my son, the most amazing and beautiful 9lb 2oz that I

ever hold.

I will never forget that day, 10 years ago. When I hold you for the very first time.Words no always say what
the heart really feel, but you and me, my son. We share a language that only us can understand. We speak with love.

I will never forget that day, 10 years ago. Your smell, still live in my nose. Your soft cry, asking for the
comfort of my breast. Your eyes wide open looking right at me, trying to explore this new world.

I will never forget that day, 10 years ago. When you make me understand, the really mean of life it self.
When you teach me, that I'm so important that God chose me as your mom. Even if many night I ask my
self if I deserve this beautiful gift.

I will never forget that day, 10 years ago. When I became your mom, you became my life.

Lauty as you grow, you will notice that life isn't perfect, that people isn't perfect, and I'm not perfect.
That's ok  because we no need to be perfect, we just need to try our best in this life.

As your mom I can't promise you that I will not make mistakes, because I already make a lot of mistakes.
That's ok, mistakes are good for people that's help us learn.

I can't promise that you never get hurt, even if I would give my life for you, some times is not in my
hands. But I do promise you to help you find ways to heal.

I can't give you a perfect family, with no fights, no drama and always happy faces. But I can teach you
understand our feelings and help you deal with us.

I can't guarantee that you will succeed in life, you must face a lot of obstacle, like all the people do. You must
find your on way to succeed, but I guarantee that you will have my support, encourage and all the tolls to
fly on your own.

Happy Brithday Lauty, I love you...

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Remembering 9/11

It has been 10 years since Sept. 11, 2001
Like most people I'm sure that I will have that day in my mind for ever.

I didn't born in this country, I didn't lived my childhood here, but I love this country as an adopted child love his parent.
We can't chose the family were we born, but we do chose our friends, our love and were we want to be. I chose America, this is the land were I start my family, were my kids born. The land were I feel that I belong. Even if I still need to improved my English. I love this country, his culture and his people.

I can't forget the land who saw me grow, but here is were I belong now. I respect, love and feel his pain as an American.

I love this country even  before I moved here and here is a little story:

"I remember, it was almost 14 years ago or so. It was the world cup for soccer, and Argentina love soccer. The principal at my school let us paint our faces and were our teem t-shirt on game days.
Next Monday it was USA VS hmm? I'm not sure, but I show up with the USA flag painted on my cheeks. OMG I make a big revolution at school, and the bigining of more to came.
I was send to satation, but next day it was alot of kids with faces painting with flags of diferents countries, and we make a flash mub. That was the day I realize I will be an activists..."

I don't know what make me love USA, maybe was "the nanny" , "step by step" or " the Simpson" who I grow up with. Before I know it, I was saying good bye to my friends and family.

I came here on March 2001 and  I was 3 months pregnant with Lauty. WOW Miami was even more beautiful in person. Everything amassed me the beach , the parks, the malls, etc. Everything was so beautiful.
Months go by, I was taking care of one nice who at that moments was 9 months old, my mom start working right away.
 It was hard, I was along all day, no friends and pregnant.

September 3th 2001~ my due date nothing was happening. My mom take me to the park 2 times a day to help with labor, but nothing, just a couple of contractions here and there.

September 7th 2001~ OB-GYN app, he check me I was 1cm dilated. he say call me on Monday if nothing happen before I will indus you on Tuesday Sep 11.

September 10th 2001~ Monday was here but my mom has to cover a shift. She ask me if I can call the Dr and ask him to hold on my induction until wensday. I was sick of everyone trying to deside when my child should born, so I call and make and app for friday September 14th, that way I will have more time and let labor start on his own. That night I whent down and up of the apartment stirs like carzy, at 11pm finaly I start feeling some contractions. I was so extited.  Whent to bed at 1am and try to sleep as much as posible " if labor has started I will need the energy".

September 11th 2001~  This day stay in mine mind like if was yesterday! I wake up at 8:55, I always reach for my remote control even before open my eyes. Turn on the tv in front of my bed, I was home along, my mom went to work at 7am. It was 9:00 when I finaly open my eyes, "whats going on? is this a movie? 9:03 I saw the second plane crashed into the South Tower... I couldn't belived my eyes, is this realy happen? finaly I saw that word on the top of the scren "live".

My contractions stop, "in what kind of world I bringing this child to". The news was everywere, and everyone was scare. I can't take from my mind the imagen of that people jumping from the towers...and keep thinking!

That day a mother lost his child, a child lost his father, a wife lost her love, a husband lost her best friend,  and this country has pain in his heart. I do too.
Watching the planes hit the towers, was the most heart breaking thing i could ever watch.

I was scared to go out, at that moment I was glad that my labor has stoped. I didn't know if we were safe.

September 14th 2001~ I keep my app, life must go on and this child can't be inside me for ever, he was 2 weeks over due.

Finaly September 15th my son "Lautaro" was born, it take us 5 months to leve the house. He wasent on my womb any more, how Im going to protect him?

One day an old men saw my 5 months old son and say " he is a special boy, he has the strength, he maybe a president one day"
The men was drunk, I think, but his words still on my head untill today. I don't know what he will became when he grow up, But what I do know is that I will teach him and his siblins to love the world, to make love insted of word. I can't change the world, I only wish for a better one for generations to came.

My heart goes out all of the families of the victims, all the heros who losses their live trying to safe others.

And thanks to the everybody that helped, all those who became heros. Thanks to them i have found that my faith and love to america is strong than ever.  Thanks again for our 9-11 heros.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Teen and young mom 100 likes giveaway!!! thanks to Mommy Jewelry Sturdy and Purdy

Who don't like Giveaways right? Well thanks to Jeemma owner of Mommy Jewelry Sturdy and Purdy who is donated a  Nursing Necklace  I have the oportunity to thanks the mommys who fallow us on facebook.
NEW ITEM: Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace
NEW ITEM: Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace NEW ITEM: Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace NEW ITEM: Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace NEW ITEM: Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace
 Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace
This all natural organic maple teething ring measures 2 1/2 inches. The textured wooden bead is about 3/4 inch. The teething ring and the wooden beads are all finished with Certified Organic Flaxseed oil but if you would like them unfinished, please leave me a message in the note to the seller during the check out. Beeswax is available as well. It is safe for your little one to chomp on. The 100 percent 2 mm cotton cord is extremely durable. The necklace is adjustable up to 28 inches with a Sliding Knot.

It is very durable and is made for baby wearing moms, caregivers, or anyone who cares for young ones with busy hands. It is also a great baby shower gift.
I have one my self and Thomy-tomato and I love it, I wear glasses so this necklace is great to keep my chunky monkey hands busy.
Jeemma is a work at home mom, she create this wonderful jewelry with love. She has a great good adorable jewelry in her etsy store "mylilmarket" . Thomy- tomato love his amber necklace, is cute, look good and I get my happy baby again.
Want to win this beautiful Mama necklace?
Here are the rules:
  1. like us on facebook Teen and Young Mom and leave a comment on the wall telling us what do you want to win this Nursing Necklace.
  2. like Mommy Jewelry Sturdy and Purdy facebook page and say that teen and young mom send you
  3. for extra chance tell your friend to came and like us on facebook and if they leave a comment telling me that you send them your name will appear 2 times in the raffle, also you friend has a chance to win.
  4. The winner will be announce on Teen and Young Mom August 29th 2011
  5. **The Giveaway is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with, Facebook®**
  6.  Open to US only :)

    Good look

Friday, August 5, 2011

My kids are the proved that I'm a good mom

I was preparing a post about breastfeeding in celebration of breastfeeding week, but if I don't take this out of my mind I not going to be able to sleep tonight. Why because I think too much.

The day start was great, after a full night of great sleep (thomy-tomato slept from 7pm to 6:30am waking up to breastfeed only one time) I was looking forward for a great day. It was my chuncky monkey 1/2 b-day, and while having a coffe at the same time that I was pumping because my  breast was so engorged, I was writing a post on teen and young mom letting everyone know that today is a great day we are celebrating 6
months of my little one life and 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding.

After posting some cute pics on facebook of my son I recived a masege from a great mom telling me that she is coming today to pick up the breastmilk that I have for her. She has a big trip 3 hrs to get here and 3 hrs back home, she was coming with her kids so we plan a little play date. In my way to meet her my mom call me asking me if I want to came over her house so she can see the kids, I say sure I be there around 2 pm, ok great she say.

I when to meet this awesome mommy, We had a great time, the kids play together and we get to know each other talking about cloth diapers, teething necklace and baby legs. My best part was when we nurse our babies together.

I was having a great day, the kids wanted some milkshakes so we past to a chik fil a on our way to may mom's house, I call my hubby who was finishing with our lawn to came and meet us there.and

here come the reason on this post, the reason that change my day and make me realize how right I am in my resolution  on moving far away from my relatives.

I get there and my olders kids get the car as faster as they can to run to the front door, I was taking my 6 months old from his car seat when I here my grandpa, who lives there with my mom, yelling to my kids in a very bad way because they take to long on closing the door and koki (my moms dog) run outside. At that moment I hear this voice again telling me " take your kids and leave" I hear that little voice so many times before and I always regret for not listening to her, any one was in this situation when a internal voice try to save you and you don't listen to her? OMG I never listen to that voice, why? I don't get it, why I don't listen?

Any way once  inside my grandpa was cleanig the floor with a very moody mood and as soon as I cross the door he give me all the complains about how miserable his life is, that he dosen't have a job, that he is taking care of my mom kids and how bad behaved are they.I just listen to him and say Hi how are you boys to my little brothers, they are 5 and 4years old.

Then my grandma finally ask me how I was doing. I smile and say " great I just camefrom a little play date with this great mom who came to pick up the breastmilk that was in my frezeer, it was like 300oz" I didn't finish to say that and here's what he say to me yelling in a very high voice:

grandpa: I don't get it, you are so stupid. Why you need to help that woman, she is not your family, she even give you any gift or money in compensation for your milk. You are so f#@%$ stupid.

me: I do it because I like to help, is nothing wrong on help people and I no need anything  for doing this. In fact she is helping me get rid of so much extra milk any way. And you're telling me to help the family? yeah because the family help me, I help the family so many times and they even say thank u in fact they judge me or worse they call me stupid like you right now. This amazing woman say thank you to me and she give me a hug, and I was in need of that hug. SO in my point of view I give her something that she needs and she give me something that I need.

Grandpa: well people like you never have nothing, a hug don't pay bills, she needs to compensate you with something, you have your husband working and you are so lazy in the house,at least you can make money with that, nobody think in a so much stupid way like you.One thing is help the family and other think is help a extraiger for free that, look at your mom I have to help her with the kids and clean the house so she can go to collage.

me: (at this point my blood was boiling but I try my best to hold my tears) I help my mom all my life, even if she never help me. I take care of my brothers even when I was sick so she can go party with her new boyfriend. I pass all my pregnancy consoling her and helping her with her divorse, I went to court with my premature baby 5 days after my c-section. She leave me the kids so she can go shopping with her new bf (other one) 7 days after my c-section.And I did this and so much more without waiting for recompensa from her, I did this bc I love her. But gets what when she start changing from man to man and this behaibors start confusing my kids...

he cut what I was saying...

grandpa: well kids no need to interfere with grownups life,and your mom has the right to do with her life what she want, and she no need to care what you or your kids think, you're the one who need to teach those kids in no put their nouses in other person life.

me: No not really bc is a thin line between do werever you wnat with your life and bother or perjudiciar other peaples life,and when you are a parent, is may be your life but you need to think in your kids first becouse any any decision you make can affect their life too. My mom already made my childhood miserable he make a lot of mistake who even cost my health. I want my kids away from that. So when I call her the day before mother's day and I found out that she sleep with her ex  housband, the one who abuse physiological, the same one who make she cry in my sholder asking for me to came defend her,even with my pregnant belly I step in front of him a prevent that he hit my mom. She was sleeping in the same bed with him, and when I tell her that enough is enough, she tell me "is my life you can tell me waht you do" you know how I feel? I feel used by her.

Then he started talking about how wrong I was in my parenting style, that I hold my kids too much, that I need to let them cry blablabla. My family think that I'm wrong,for wear my kids in my moby wrap all the time, for breastfeed, for co-sleep, for not let them cry.

When I was almost a steep out of the house because I was unable to hold my tears, my hubby came in, and in second my grandpa transform in a sweet pea, offer my hubby something to drink and they start talking to each other about the weather. I was WTH? inside I wanted to run in my hubbys arms and tell him was just happend here.

He was pretending that nothing happened,  I did as well with my eye holding the tears. My little one wake up and it was time to breastfeed him so I just take a deep breath, a glass of cold milk and try to forget what just has happened here.

After nursing my son, I start checking the mail (I have my mom house as a mailing address after some mail was lost in my house) I found a letter from my son school who came at my 9 years old name, I open the letter and the tears that I was trying to hold came out faster than ever, but this time there were tears of joy, tears that came from my proud mama's heart.

That later proved to me one more time that I'm doing a great job, that I have amazing kids and they deserve a better family, a family who cares for each other and love each other. at that moment I convince myself that I'm making the right decision on moving my family far awey, that I need to teach different values I can't repeat all those things that my family believes as a right way to rise kids.We need to be just my hubby, kiddos and my self. we no need any one else.

What that letter say change my day for the better, what that letter say put a smile in my face again. What that letter say make me realize that what really matters is my little family and no bady else.

It say :" Your son achieved the higher score on the FCAT test for math and reading.Your child is eligible to enroll in a virtual middle school course. your child will receive middle school credits. "

My 9 years old has a 6.8 level in math and 5.9 level in reading and he just finish 3rd grade. You know what this mean to me? I'm writing this and Im just can't stop crying tears of joy. I no have words to explain how proud I am to be his mom, is in day like today when I realize that God had a plan on me getting pregnat at 16, it wasn't a mistake, because when I look at him I know that he is amazing, and is my son and that's make me amazing, it doesn't matter that my family think I'm stupid, or that I do everything wrong. Because when I look at my children I feel proud of my self.

And you know what? if been a good person who is willing to help others,  means that I'm stupid, if raise my kids the way I'm raising them means that I'm stupid, Well so I'm happy to be so stupid. in fact I prefer to be stupid all my life and no make the same mistakes that my family make with me.

To finish this I like to say, that the reason that I'm hearing this is because when people like Amber from teen mom, ( just to give an example that maybe all know) do that kind of stuff like say bad words  infront of her child or fight with her partner, or let her boyfriend change her daughter diapers and she think that is no causing a long term damage or worse to her child. They are wrong, my mom was wrong and it take time to heal.

What is sad is this kind parenting style like cry it out,  spanked for being naughty  or no hold your child because they think that is spoiling them. Is wrong,  kids need love, kids need to be spoiled, they grow to fast and they learn to be secure and confident when you respond to her cry, or when you wear them and when you kiss them.

if you have question about cry it out check out this great post

the no-cry it out solution
cry it out couses brian damage

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Stories that inspires us "My Breastfeeding Story" Cecillia Story.

My son was born on Thursday July 21, 2011. Right after he was born, he was placed on my chest and immediately starting rooting around for my breast. He latched on easily and I thought breastfeeding was going to come naturally to us. However, the next day I started to experience a lot of pain while breastfeeding. I met with 3 lactation consultants and they all helped me with latching him on properly. Despite a proper latch, I still experienced constant pain in my nipples. They became so cracked, bloody, and sore that I had to resort to formula feeding. The following Monday I met with another lactation consultant and she asked me to try breastfeeding while she was there. Within 5 minutes, I was in so much pain that I was close to tears. We stopped breastfeeding and she took a look at my nipples. To my surprise, she suggested something that not even my doctor had suggested. She brought up that my nipples looked very short and that part of the problem might be that they aren't stretching when my son sucks on them to reach back to where they need to be. She then took out a nipple shield and asked me to try breastfeeding with that on. So after fumbling to put it on and learning how it works, I took my son to my breast and latched him on. Instantly I felt a huge difference while using the shield. There was NO pain at all and my son was eagerly sucking and swallowing my milk with no trouble at all. It's now been a week since I've gotten the nipple shield and I have since been exclusively breastfeeding my son. It took a lot of determination to get through those first few days and to continue to strive to breastfeeding, but I'm so glad that I did not give up on something I wanted so much. He is now above his birth weight and doing so well. So much so that my doctor has mentioned using the nipple shield long term as long as no problems come up. It is not how I ideally wanted breastfeeding to go, but I'm so thankful that I can give my son something so beneficial despite how it has to happen.

I hope my story can inspire other young moms to not give up on breastfeeding so quickly. To many of us, it is something we have to work at and try different things to make it work, but the end result is all the same :)

Thanks so much Cecillia for share your story with us and you  proved that we can succeed and overcome any booby trap.

great pages to find breastfeeding support: 
Dr. Sears
La Leche League
Peaceful Parenting
Aunt lactivist

Thursday, July 21, 2011

how do you feel or react when other parent discipline your child?

I know we all tend to be protective over our kids but the fact remains, if a parent sees other kids misbehave and their actions may put their own children in harms way, then they should step in and take charge of the situation. I was on that situation too, when a boy hit one of my son and the mom not discipline her child, it can be frustrated. But  "What gives anyone the right to yell at my child?" "Let me be the one to tell my child 'no.' I don't think it's right at all."its very confusing right? Even more when I know that my child is not doing anything bad.
If a parent is watch their kids then there shouldn't be a reason for other mom to step in. But with that being said there are way to many parents that just sit back and gab with their friends and have no idea what their kid is doing, who is not my case, even with 4 boys I make sure I have my eyes on everyone. So this is very complicated in both sides of the story.

Yesterday we were at our local kiddie pool, and my kids were playing with other boy with a beach ball. One of the kids throw the ball and accidentally hit a other mom who was with her  2 years old daughter. The woman turn to my 7years old (Nacho), she say that he is too big to play there, in fact she talk to him like if he was 12years old instead of 7. I didn't say anything to her this time because my son respond to her very well, in fact I'm very proud of him, he say "sorry mam, it was an accident, I didn't throw that ball but I was playing too, I will make sure this no happen again we apologize"The woman just put a grumpy face and walk away.
Nacho at 11 months with me

 Even that I love how my polite son respond to her,  I feel like mad, because he is always receives a bad look because of his size, I mean he is a big boy weight 9lb 12oz at birth, and son of a big men and well I'm not short neither, exclusive breastfeed  until he wean at 3 years old he was always a big boy, at 1 year old he
weight 40lb, at 5 years old he was at 70lb, he is now 7years old  56in and 115lb Nacho looks big and rude but he is a sweet pie, and very kind with the little ones, he is always helping others, especially his baby brother Thomy-tomato.

 I feel bad for him, people always judge him  by his appearance. When he was little I always jump on his defend, but now he is teaching me how his wonderful personality can change any
bad situation. Other moms at the kiddie pool were impressed on how sweet and gentle he really is
with little kids.
Nacho yesterday, holding Thomy-tomato

 He always make me proud, he can be sweet and funny, Nacho came to my life to make us learn from him and appreciate every moment. He sometimes can be a clown, sometimes can be a teacher, a guardian or even a little daddy for his younger siblings. He is always helping me, in fact, if wasn't for him I wouldn't wear shoes
while pregnant with Tomy-tomato.
Nacho helping me to put my shoes on when I was pregnant.

Love you Nacho-man, please never change you're my sweet pie son
Nacho making us pee in our pants pretending he is pregnant.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Surviving the criticism and society

I'm just tired of criticism, I been face criticism my entire life. Not only for been a teen mom, for everything I do. Its looks like it was never be enough  to make my family proud of me.

Some days ago, one person wrote in Teen and young mom facebook wall(,  that we just ruined our lives. I deleted the post because I want that Teen and young mom be a safe place for us to share our experience, and support each other "criticism free" . And because I believe that motherhood is something beautiful and deserve our respect. A child not ruined his mother life, a child came to our life to give us strength and love. In my case my son saved me, my boys are the reason for me to stand in this life.

I'm not saying that been a teen/young mom is the best, in fact is a hard work, instead of going out with your friends, dedicated to school, sports etc. You need to grow up fast and put your self away, and give up important part of childhood.

But that doesn't mean you ruined your life, you just living your life different.
society  tell us that perfect life is :

1- finish your career
2-get married ( if you are lucky enough to find time between career and work)
3- buy a house, travel around the world etc
4- then have a baby

Sound perfect right? well all of us growing up with this in mind, even my self. But life is not that easy, you have obstacles to face. People need to make mistakes, that's the only way that the human will learn, some will make less mistake than others but at the end all will make mistakes.

Well society teach us that we need to be perfect to be accepted, that we need to do what they expect us to do to have a great life. But what happened when you don't do it in the order that the others want it? let me tell you the answer, they criticize you, some or a very few will give you encourage or support, but most people will be really rude and judge you

I face that all my life, when I was a little girl all that I wanted is make my mom proud.  But she never say anything encourage to me, she never help me or ask for my homework, she never had time to check with my  teachers .I'm not judging her, she was a teen mom and her life wasn't easy.

 When I start sports (jockey) I wanted to be the best, soon I realized that no one in my family care about my jockey practice, so I give up. Months later they tell me that I was lazy  because I wasn't doing anything, so I start ice skating, soon I found out how good I was, I even won a trophy. A year later my mom say she can't take me to my practice because she was too busy.

Between the age of 7 to 15 I did jockey, ice skating, ballet, swimming, soccer, volleyball, drama, painting, music, etc. For one reason or other I have to give it up, and every time I did, my family say that I was lazy and I can't committed, "you never finish what you start" they say.

Soon I understood that I can't make them happy, what I need is find my own happiness. So I believed that I will never will be something in this life, my grades start  to go down, I lose interest in everything, I start smoking in fact I was lost. My life didn't matter any more so I was going to ruin it.
When I turn 15 well I get pregnant, you can read my pregnancy story here .
It was hard at 16 have a son, work, study and please my family. My mom was starting a new relationship and as usual I was left out, so I focus in my studies and my son, who at that point became the most important reason to succeed.

Now I no have to make my family happy, I no need they to be proud of me. The most important opinion in my life is in my son. He is the one that one day have to be proud of me, he is the one who matters now, he was my little family.

My son give me the strength and the power of believe in my self. He was the reason to push my self to success. I don't know how my life will be if a wasn't pregnant at 16, maybe I would had a good career, may be not,  provably not.

Thinking back on how was my experience in school, and everything I was trying to do (jockey, soccer, ballet, etc) and how I give up everything because I felt that no body care, it was a good chance that I wouldn't succeed.

I think that all that happen to us in this life is for a reason, maybe it wasn't the best
that I had my son at 16, but thanks to that I'm the person who I'm today, thanks to
that I finish what I start, thanks to my son I not give up any more. I have a reason
why stay in this life.

I have a career, I get married, I buy a house, and I have good vacations, I'm not a millionaire but I can not complain. But maybe I couldn't have all this today if I didn't had my son at 16. And for sure I couldn't have the great life that I have today if my boys were not here today.

"Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It's about understanding that he is exactly the person he is supposed to be. And that, if you're lucky, he just might be the teacher that turns you into the person you are supposed to be." -- Joan Ryan

Thursday, June 23, 2011

My breastfeeding story, struggles, determination and love.

I always knew that I want to breastfeed my kids, in fact I never think in other way to feed a baby. I remember when I was a little girl, while my friends bottle feed their dolls I breastfeed them. It seem to easy at that moment I always say "oh I can't wait to have my baby and breastfeed him or her" and  I'll never forget how I  tell everybody " I going to  have five kids".
At that moment (about 6 or 8 years old) the fact that my mom was a teen mom, it
was normal to me, later on she told me about this and how much she struggles
with me.
All my mom speaks go to the trash when I get pregnant at 16 years old, But even that I knew is not right, even that everybody tells me that I can't, I was determinate to rise this child, to breastfeed him, to love him with all my heart and even more.

I know thats is not the best to have a child at 16, but he didn't ask to come, and is on his way now, so I deside to give him the best of me.

During those 9 months I read as much as posible to prepere my self, that was hard because I came from a family who asumme that they know everything and never take the time to learn something new. I keep reading and learning about almost everything, I went to a natural child birth clases all by my self, I read about vaccines, how to bath my baby, who to know if your baby is ready for solid food, even potty training. I never read or recived any information about breastfeed a baby. No body tell me how hard or how many struggles I could have. I asume it was easy, just put the baby on the breast and he do the rest...OMG!!! I wasn't preper me for that.

On September 14th 2001, I was 2 weeks over due, so my ob-gyn send me to the hospital for induction, my natural child birth plan was ruin, but the health of my baby was more inportant. When I get to the Hospital  I was 3cm dilated, oh I was so happy that lavor start on his own, I breath on every contraction but I knew this was the lavor that I dream about, but I never feel so scare in my life.

On September 15th 2001 at 1:20pm. My son Lautaro born on a drug free delivery, beautiful baby boy,  he weight 9lb 2oz. My most beautiful wish came true , may be he came a little early in my life, but after all this is what I dream of since I was a little girl. Oh gosh my heart was bumping so hard, "he is perfect, I can't wait to breastfeed him" I tell my mom. But the nurses take him, they say "we need to check him and then we bring him back" ok I say, I was so happy and I didn't know what to expect, what are the rules on this hospital and I was scare to ask.

I take a shower and wait for my son in the room, 2 hrs later I was worried so I ask was going on, I call the nurse and ask for my baby. I wasn't prepare for what comes next. They bring my baby, he was sleeping, I carry him in a football position and take my breast out "he already eat" say the nurse "what, what he eat? why?" I reply, "we give him formula, there is a pack under his crib" I just cry and say again "why?" she replay in a very mad way "because your baby needs to eat".

How hard was this to me, I was sad, I was mad but more than ever I was determinate to breastfeed my son. I start by holding him close to my breast, alot of skin to skin contact. No body tell me that, it was just instict I gest. He was very sleepy the first day, any way I attemt to breastfeed him every hour without any success. He already had a very bad nipple confusion and I didn't know what to do, no body in that hospital wants to help, in fact they were pushing me to use formula. Ten years ago I even know that lactation consultant exist, I realy feel hopeless, my mom didn't breastfeed me and my aunts who both had infants at that time bottle feed them.

I never understood why they give him formula, I was so frustrated that I forget about my fears and call the nurse again, she give me the most stupid excuses "oh because you are so young, we think that formula it was the best for you and your baby, is hard for a young mom to nurse". Oh realy?, so because a woman is 4 or 6 years older that me thats make breastfeeding more easy? that frustrate me more, why they assume that I don't want to breastfeed? in what way formula was better for me and my baby? it was very confusing to hear that from a health professional. To make the thing worse my nipple were flat, my milk was already there and my breast was sore.

The next day my mom bring me a breast pump, I start pumping no only to give my baby "My Milk" but for my effort to give my nipples in shape. While I was puming another nurse came in and told me " if you can't breastfeed, give him a bottle, his starving" ohh how mad I was, but at that moment I knew it I can't let him get between my determination on breastfeed my son, they no going to understand me. So I smile and say "ok give me the formula" as soon as she left I throw it to the trash.

Once at home, I was so engorged, the pain was afoul every attemt to nurse him frustrated me more.
 Any way I keep trying, I didn't know how to hold him, who to make him latch correctly. He only was able to take a tinny part of my nipple and that was very painful. I cry for 2 days straigh, more than once feel to give up, but I couldn't fail my son, he deserve the best and I deserve this beautiful experince in life, at that moment I didn't know that breastfeed my son could be so beautiful. It was just the right natural way to feed a child. Women breastfeed their childrens for years, even before the formula was invented, so why not me? what is the different between those woman to me? even many years ago woman has childrens very early in life, be a teen mom is not a reason for not breastfeed.

I keep pumping, "at least he has mine milk"  that was enough for me I want to do what nature make me for,  nourish my child.
Day number 3 came and after taking a shower to relief my breast it came to my mind "a nipple shield" I scream calling my mom, she say "what? what is that?" "a nipple shield is a silicone nipple to put in my nipple, that may be work". She went to buy one, two hours latter finaly I was breastfeeding my son from the breast. How beautiful, oh gosh all my life I was having this picture in my head and it was finally happend. That day I understand that breastfeed my son is more than feed him,  is a conection that I never had with other human being, is pure love.

Weeks fly fast and a 8 weeks old we wean the nipple shield and both master the art of breastfeed. Soon enough to start school, at that moment I'm even care about nurse in public, I was doing the most natural so what my school mates think of me to be honest I do not care, no person in this wolrd could be more inportant that my son, there is no person in this world that I could love more than my son.
I was happy and sad at the same time. Leave my son when I go to school, the absent of my baby's father, the lack of support from my family who always was telling me " you can't graduate, you are ruin your life, you don't know how to raise a child, you this, you that...etc". All this take me to a deep post partum deprecion.

To make everything worse, the idea to let my mom take care of my son while I go to school kills me. Don't take this in a bad way, I love her, but the true is that she never take care of me, she didn't have any experience with babies and she was telling me to give my son yogurt at 2 months old. But I didn't have a choise and I realy apreciate her help.

For this 2 months I pump for my son, so he can have my milk (not yogurt) while I'm at school, everything was going great and I was prepare to start my senior year. But more barriers came to my right of breastfeed my son.
Here comes my new challenge in motherhood, school was from 6am to 2pm, take my pump with me for pumping sessions between clases or at lunch time. Soon I found out that my school not allowed me to pump, if I want to pump must do it in the bathroom sitting on the toilet, what of curse was very disgusting.

The pain of my congestion breasts was terrible and I have embarrassing  leaks all day, and the nursing pads fail to handle it. Hopefully my mom agree to take my son to school at lunch time for a feeding. Oh how thankful I was with her, I couldn't survive the other way. It was hard, no only because I was a student and a mom, but also I was a inmigrant from other country learning a new lenguage trying to finish high school so my hard work was doble.

Months past fast and I start to remember what the nurse told me " we think that formula it was the best for you and your baby, is hard for a young mom to nurse" wow!!! I can't imaging me with all the work that I had, getting up to prepare bottles. I was realy happy for my determination to breastfeed, now I just take my breast out and continue sleeping or even do my homework with him in the breast.

I finish high school then I start a my nursing carrear, while having a part time job selling newspaper on the miami streets, and of curse continue with my ESOL clases. I did it!!!, life was very busy but when I was breasfeeding my son life stop and I was able to breath again, to take this time to enjoy our self, that was my break my reward for a long day of hard working finaly my tight body can relax with a warm hug.

Breastfeeding my son was the picture that I had in my mind when I was a little girl, but I never knew how inportant can be this to me. To be honest I was depress, very depress and this wasen't something new, I didn't have a nice childhood, my mom was a teen mom, my dad leave when I was 1 year old, I meet him for the first time when I was 13 years old and my mom had a hard time keeping a relationship, many mens
enter and leave our life all the time, it was a very disfuntional family. But the idea of having someone to love, have a unconditional love in my life help me, I have to admit after 3 attemt of suicide, the birth of my son save my life. When I was 14 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and post traumatic streess disorder with severe depretion I always try to hurt my self, I was hateing my life, before my son came to this world all my sky were very cloudy. Those bad memories it seem to no matter any more since I saw that pregnancy test.
Now I have this little person to love, to give the best of me, breastfeed my son was more than feed him, it was pure love. I never felt that way before, his eyes looking at me  with a thankfull expresion, everytime he smile at me with my nipple in his mouth it was a life saver therapy.

He change me, breastfeed him change me. I feel proud of me for never give up, for trust my body and my maternal instit. If I have to past all my bad experience in childhood to have him at the end I do it again.

I may be feel sad or depressed sometimes, life isn't perfect. But when I looked at my son and start remember those days, his smell, oh how beautiful. Dosen't exist any anti-depressed more efective than breastfeed my son. Is hard to put in words how our heart feels, but if someone ask me what its feel when I nurse my son I say " I feel like my heart is trying to get out from my breast, as a milk".

I breastfeed him for 24  months untill he wean him self, no body can take that away from me now, that beautiful picture is going to be with me until I say my last good bye. No body take never a picture of my son nursing in my peaceful arms, in my gentle breast. But I remember every little second, I no have it in my mind, I have it in my heart. Now I know what nature put our breast close to our heart.

Ten years past from those days, Lautaro is an amazing almost 10 years old now, very kind, always trying to help others. He is in 3 grade with a 6 grader level, very responsable with his school work.

 His teacher  just told  me:"he is amazing, is a joy having him in my class, he is very polite and always volunteer to help his peers. He love you to dead, in one of his redactions he wrote how inportant you are for him, and how him wants to make you proud". I was in tears when she told me that.

 I can't be more proud of him, and you can see it in my face. He is an awesome big brother, he care about his sibling so much, he teach them, and he always was there to help me, or just give me a glass of water when he saw me breastfeed his little sibling. Last week I was breastfeeding my 4 months old and Lautaro say " Wow mama he is getting so big and he is so healthy because you give him your milk, you give me your milk too, good job!!! and by the way thanks mama". You no have any idea how my heart start jumping in my chest to hear that from my son.

People can say, that teen moms, are iresponsable, they can say teen mom can't finish high school , that they marriage fails, that  their kids are bad behaved or fail school, they can say we are to young to take good care of our kids, even say that we can't breastfeed.
Well I'm the proof that all this is wrong. I'm not saying "is easy" because is not, in fact is realy hard, now with my 4th son I'm a stay at home mom, I been married with a wonderful men for almost 8 years now, I own a home and Im just enjoing taking care of my kids full time.

Motherhood is not easy, not only for teen moms, for all new moms. But at the end we
realize that we can do it and is the most rewarding career of our lifes.  

This is a video that I made for my son <object width="400" height="300" ><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="movie" value="" /><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="300"></embed></object>

Saturday, June 18, 2011

My first child at 16 years old

It was January 1st 2001 after celebrate the new year with my family my friend brought me a pregnancy test, 5 minutes later "I'm pregnant". Oh I remember how my legs and all my body start getting heavy and heavier but inside of me I felt calm and happy so I just smile "you are crazy" my friend told me, I say no, what is done is done I can't change it now, I just trying to swallow it".
At that moment I really not care what people will say or think, until next morning when I saw my mom. I failed her, I failed to the woman who always try to prevent this. My Mother had me when she was 15 years old. At that moment my world fall apart, I start remember all the hard time  my mom past with me, it was years when even eat every day was hard," my mom work so hard for give a good life, for give me a good education and now I'm going to break her heart". The next day I call my aunt (she was in Miami and we were in Argentina) and tell her, I ask her if she can tell my mom because I wasn't strong enough, she did, 30 minutes later she enter in my room hug me and cry.
My mom and I, 12 weeks pregnant

The next day she take me to what I think was a doctor office, I was wrong it was an abortion clinic. The nurse there start explaining the procedure, I cry and look at my mom and say "I don't want this" she say "I know" grab my hand and we left. Once outside the clinic she hug me again and say "I'm sorry, I know you don't want this, because when I was 15 I couldn't do it and now I can't imagine my life without you" "we can do this, we go thru this together".
Before all this happen we were planing to move to the USA, all my family was here and we sold our house so we just keep to the plan, and 3 months later we moved to Miami finally all the family together.

It was a hard year, I'm not only lose my friends, moved to a new country with a new language, start a new school and  also I  was 16 and pregnant.
Once here, I start with my doctors appointment, my pregnancy was doing great. Soon I found out I was having a boy!!! oh I was so happy I pick his name right away " Lautaro" a name with strength, with history. At 20 weeks I felt his movement for the first time, I never feel so much joy in my life, how wonderful moment.
 35 weeks pregnant

As soon as I was installed in our new house I start to take care of my  9 months old nice, my aunt who was 18 at that moment ( yes teen pregnancy run  in our family) he was working full time and having problems with her hubby so I take care of her until my baby was born . It was a great experience and training for me I really enjoy it.

Months fly, missing my baby father (I never hear from him again) but this little joy inside me give me the strength  I  never had before. I used this 9 months to learn as much as I can about motherhood, breastfeeding, labor and delivery. Before I knew it  I was aware about the latest news and studies of the American Associate of Pediatrician, but I never feel so scare in my life, there is no book who can prepare you for Motherhood, that's come with allot of patience, love and dedication, is a never stop learning experience.

On September 11, 2001 (the same day as the 9/11 attacks) I was 2 weeks over due, and after I saw the news that day, I start thinking "a what kind of world I'm bringing this child to" I was more scare then, but no turning back my Doctor induce me that Friday, after a 24 hrs of labor "Lautaro Ezequiel was born in a natural birth without any meds, weighed 9lb 2oz 21in" he was just perfect and healthy little boy.
But no body prepare me for what came next. I was determinate to exclusive breastfeed him, but because I was young the nurses assume that I want to give him formula, so when they bring my son to my room he has his tummy full of formula and a very bad nipple confusion. To make the thing worse my nipple were flat. I cry 2 days straight for that. I say to my mom " I want to breastfeed him, I don't want to give up" so my mom bring me a breast pump and I start pumping not only to get milk for him but to give shape to my nipples. At that moment when my mom left a nurse came and tell me " if you can't breastfeed give him a bottle of formula he is starving" I say yes and throw the formula to the garbage. The next day now at home, my breast was so engorged and sore, but I was so happy, I was producing milk. But I still have the latching problem. I was pumping 3oz each side and give him the bottle, he was having my milk but that wasn't enough for me I want to breastfeed him, so I remember what a saw in a Babies Rus weeks ago " a nipple shield I scream calling my mom" "what?" she say " a nipple shield is for put in your nipple if you have pain or something like this, that maybe work" . So she run to buy one, an hour later finally I was breastfeeding my son, what a wonderful experience, I love every second.
With my son Lutaro at 5 days old

Weeks fly and by 8 weeks we wean the nipple shield and we both master the art of breastfeeding. I keep pumping so we can have  breast milk for Lautaro while I  go to school. And no body prepare me for whats came next also. My school not allowed me to pump, I was in pain all day, so my mom start bring him to school at lunch time so he can empty my breast and I can concentrate in school. My mom was a great support until she fall in love and get married. Now I was on my own.
 Lauty at 3 months old

When my son was 5 months old I meet a great man, we became best friend and he
was always around to help me. My mom was more and more distant and living her
new life, and I was so happy for her (but I never like her new husband). Her
husband was really mean and I receive a lot of verbal abuse from him until
one day he told me " why you just go, can you stop ruin your mother life?" I did.
Lauty at 9 months old

So I finish high school, by that time that great friend of mine became the man of my
life. I start a nursing program and continued study English at a local collage, I also
work part time selling news paper. My days were very busy, get up at 5 am ( thanks
to breastfeeding and co-sleeping I get some rest) take my son to day care, sell news
papers from 6am to 9am, go breastfeed him at the day care, go to my ESOL class,
pick up my son at day care at 1pm enjoy my time with him, bath him and make him
sleep, my boyfriend take care of him from 7pm to 10pm for my nursing assistant classes. It was so hard, many times I feel "I can't do this, is to much for me, I want give up" "but I can't give up loving my son" and I keep pushing my self.
My son and I his first birthday

We start living together, he adopt my son and love him so much. I know he was the
men for me. He love me, give me support, pick me up when I was down.
We both knew that we need to prevent pregnancy so I start with nuva ring.
A year later we were pregnant...