Friday, August 5, 2011

My kids are the proved that I'm a good mom

I was preparing a post about breastfeeding in celebration of breastfeeding week, but if I don't take this out of my mind I not going to be able to sleep tonight. Why because I think too much.

The day start was great, after a full night of great sleep (thomy-tomato slept from 7pm to 6:30am waking up to breastfeed only one time) I was looking forward for a great day. It was my chuncky monkey 1/2 b-day, and while having a coffe at the same time that I was pumping because my  breast was so engorged, I was writing a post on teen and young mom letting everyone know that today is a great day we are celebrating 6
months of my little one life and 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding.

After posting some cute pics on facebook of my son I recived a masege from a great mom telling me that she is coming today to pick up the breastmilk that I have for her. She has a big trip 3 hrs to get here and 3 hrs back home, she was coming with her kids so we plan a little play date. In my way to meet her my mom call me asking me if I want to came over her house so she can see the kids, I say sure I be there around 2 pm, ok great she say.

I when to meet this awesome mommy, We had a great time, the kids play together and we get to know each other talking about cloth diapers, teething necklace and baby legs. My best part was when we nurse our babies together.

I was having a great day, the kids wanted some milkshakes so we past to a chik fil a on our way to may mom's house, I call my hubby who was finishing with our lawn to came and meet us there.and

here come the reason on this post, the reason that change my day and make me realize how right I am in my resolution  on moving far away from my relatives.

I get there and my olders kids get the car as faster as they can to run to the front door, I was taking my 6 months old from his car seat when I here my grandpa, who lives there with my mom, yelling to my kids in a very bad way because they take to long on closing the door and koki (my moms dog) run outside. At that moment I hear this voice again telling me " take your kids and leave" I hear that little voice so many times before and I always regret for not listening to her, any one was in this situation when a internal voice try to save you and you don't listen to her? OMG I never listen to that voice, why? I don't get it, why I don't listen?

Any way once  inside my grandpa was cleanig the floor with a very moody mood and as soon as I cross the door he give me all the complains about how miserable his life is, that he dosen't have a job, that he is taking care of my mom kids and how bad behaved are they.I just listen to him and say Hi how are you boys to my little brothers, they are 5 and 4years old.

Then my grandma finally ask me how I was doing. I smile and say " great I just camefrom a little play date with this great mom who came to pick up the breastmilk that was in my frezeer, it was like 300oz" I didn't finish to say that and here's what he say to me yelling in a very high voice:

grandpa: I don't get it, you are so stupid. Why you need to help that woman, she is not your family, she even give you any gift or money in compensation for your milk. You are so f#@%$ stupid.

me: I do it because I like to help, is nothing wrong on help people and I no need anything  for doing this. In fact she is helping me get rid of so much extra milk any way. And you're telling me to help the family? yeah because the family help me, I help the family so many times and they even say thank u in fact they judge me or worse they call me stupid like you right now. This amazing woman say thank you to me and she give me a hug, and I was in need of that hug. SO in my point of view I give her something that she needs and she give me something that I need.

Grandpa: well people like you never have nothing, a hug don't pay bills, she needs to compensate you with something, you have your husband working and you are so lazy in the house,at least you can make money with that, nobody think in a so much stupid way like you.One thing is help the family and other think is help a extraiger for free that, look at your mom I have to help her with the kids and clean the house so she can go to collage.

me: (at this point my blood was boiling but I try my best to hold my tears) I help my mom all my life, even if she never help me. I take care of my brothers even when I was sick so she can go party with her new boyfriend. I pass all my pregnancy consoling her and helping her with her divorse, I went to court with my premature baby 5 days after my c-section. She leave me the kids so she can go shopping with her new bf (other one) 7 days after my c-section.And I did this and so much more without waiting for recompensa from her, I did this bc I love her. But gets what when she start changing from man to man and this behaibors start confusing my kids...

he cut what I was saying...

grandpa: well kids no need to interfere with grownups life,and your mom has the right to do with her life what she want, and she no need to care what you or your kids think, you're the one who need to teach those kids in no put their nouses in other person life.

me: No not really bc is a thin line between do werever you wnat with your life and bother or perjudiciar other peaples life,and when you are a parent, is may be your life but you need to think in your kids first becouse any any decision you make can affect their life too. My mom already made my childhood miserable he make a lot of mistake who even cost my health. I want my kids away from that. So when I call her the day before mother's day and I found out that she sleep with her ex  housband, the one who abuse physiological, the same one who make she cry in my sholder asking for me to came defend her,even with my pregnant belly I step in front of him a prevent that he hit my mom. She was sleeping in the same bed with him, and when I tell her that enough is enough, she tell me "is my life you can tell me waht you do" you know how I feel? I feel used by her.

Then he started talking about how wrong I was in my parenting style, that I hold my kids too much, that I need to let them cry blablabla. My family think that I'm wrong,for wear my kids in my moby wrap all the time, for breastfeed, for co-sleep, for not let them cry.

When I was almost a steep out of the house because I was unable to hold my tears, my hubby came in, and in second my grandpa transform in a sweet pea, offer my hubby something to drink and they start talking to each other about the weather. I was WTH? inside I wanted to run in my hubbys arms and tell him was just happend here.

He was pretending that nothing happened,  I did as well with my eye holding the tears. My little one wake up and it was time to breastfeed him so I just take a deep breath, a glass of cold milk and try to forget what just has happened here.

After nursing my son, I start checking the mail (I have my mom house as a mailing address after some mail was lost in my house) I found a letter from my son school who came at my 9 years old name, I open the letter and the tears that I was trying to hold came out faster than ever, but this time there were tears of joy, tears that came from my proud mama's heart.

That later proved to me one more time that I'm doing a great job, that I have amazing kids and they deserve a better family, a family who cares for each other and love each other. at that moment I convince myself that I'm making the right decision on moving my family far awey, that I need to teach different values I can't repeat all those things that my family believes as a right way to rise kids.We need to be just my hubby, kiddos and my self. we no need any one else.

What that letter say change my day for the better, what that letter say put a smile in my face again. What that letter say make me realize that what really matters is my little family and no bady else.

It say :" Your son achieved the higher score on the FCAT test for math and reading.Your child is eligible to enroll in a virtual middle school course. your child will receive middle school credits. "

My 9 years old has a 6.8 level in math and 5.9 level in reading and he just finish 3rd grade. You know what this mean to me? I'm writing this and Im just can't stop crying tears of joy. I no have words to explain how proud I am to be his mom, is in day like today when I realize that God had a plan on me getting pregnat at 16, it wasn't a mistake, because when I look at him I know that he is amazing, and is my son and that's make me amazing, it doesn't matter that my family think I'm stupid, or that I do everything wrong. Because when I look at my children I feel proud of my self.

And you know what? if been a good person who is willing to help others,  means that I'm stupid, if raise my kids the way I'm raising them means that I'm stupid, Well so I'm happy to be so stupid. in fact I prefer to be stupid all my life and no make the same mistakes that my family make with me.

To finish this I like to say, that the reason that I'm hearing this is because when people like Amber from teen mom, ( just to give an example that maybe all know) do that kind of stuff like say bad words  infront of her child or fight with her partner, or let her boyfriend change her daughter diapers and she think that is no causing a long term damage or worse to her child. They are wrong, my mom was wrong and it take time to heal.

What is sad is this kind parenting style like cry it out,  spanked for being naughty  or no hold your child because they think that is spoiling them. Is wrong,  kids need love, kids need to be spoiled, they grow to fast and they learn to be secure and confident when you respond to her cry, or when you wear them and when you kiss them.

if you have question about cry it out check out this great post

the no-cry it out solution
cry it out couses brian damage

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