Thursday, November 10, 2011

How my divorce almost affect my breastfeeding, and how we still strong

Finally I'm strong enough to talk about it, and I feel the need to do it. No just for me, but for many more who can relate this story to they own. Unfortunately I'm not the only one on go through a situation like this, and I don't think it was because of the fact of been a teen and a young mom. This can happen to any one at any age


After a long journey, 3 kids and all the ups and downs I was convince that I get to the point of a good marriage. at that point I thought that we have a good marriage a unbreakable one, even if the inside was telling me all the time that we were not.
I didn't listen...
After a brain surgery and fighting with some health issues, we thought that another baby will make your marriage stronger, I believe that one more baby will complete our family. After months of trying it finally happened, my little miracle start growing inside me.

After a difficult pregnancy, full of complications, a lot of bed rest who ended on a c-section at 36 weeks. This amazing life come and fill of joy my heart.
I was so in love with this new life, this perfect picture that I always had in my mind.
A lovely husband, four amazing kids a new house. My health still give me some trouble but who cares about that when you have such a wonderful blessing in your life.

Soon I realized that I was living a big lie, full of lies and unfair things. He was living with us, eating dinner with us, going to vacation with us. But he was not  with us any more. His heart belong to someone else. The communication between us drop to nothing and we became 2 strangers living under the same roof.

My tank of love was completely empty, of course I have the love of my kids but I mean the love that we need from a partner, it was no love there.

Finally the day came when he confess that it was someone else in his life, he left that same night.
All this happen in the same month of my 3 older kiddos birthdays, he never came to celebrate with the boys. He was already too busy in his new family.

It was really hard, the hardest thing I ever been through (and I been through a lot all my life) but had to saw my kids with an  inconsolable cry, asking me question that I couldn't even answer my self was really hard, heart breaking.

Even if my own heart was in pain for all this situation, I must put my own pain, my own feelings as side to be strong for my boys.

This past 2 months was the hardest of my life, is not only that he left ( I'm sure that is for better) but my mom is with him, and they were trying to put me in a mental health facility and take my kids away from me. They were insulted me, confusing the boys, they cut my power and water off in my house. It was just too much to soon.

As you can imagine all this not only affect me mentally but fiscally too. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat I was exhausted. I drop 25 lbs in 3 weeks (OK that's not so bad) but all this affect my milk supply in a very drastic way. Thomy-tomato who always was a healthy baby, even with the fact of been born a months early, he is a strong baby. But the same week his father left he start having a tremendous fever that no go down. He stop gaining weight and I was so scared that my breastfeeding relationship it was getting to an end.
I couldn't accept that, no only for the reason that he do not take bottles or accept food yet. Now more than ever I need that relationship and those coddles with him, breastfeed him make me happy, make me proud and I feel complete even if I had part of my heart empty.

"I will not give up breastfeeding" I say to my self, what was the next step? find help, and support. And you know what? I found it!!!.  Some of that support came for people close to me, some came from people who don't know me, who live miles aways but with an awesome heart extend a lovely hand to me.

Mother's milk tea and fenugreek help a lot, but the most important help was the love and care that I received from other moms that I found on The Leaky b@@b, one of them send me a box with this tea, the fenugreek, some vitamins and new cloth for Thomy. What I love the most is the note he wrote me. I pray every night for her and I promise to past the favor to other mom in need.

My other big support came from locals moms and friends, who do not let me alone in the bad darkest days.Thanks to my very good friends Gale and Melvin, because they were there for me and they still there for me every time I need them. You know what is amazing about them? I meet them on the big latch on this past world breastfeeding week and soon we became good friends.

In this hard times, I found a great support. Maybe they think they not do too much, but they did, just with listen to me when I need it, or give me a must needed advice they help a lot.The teachers on my kids school, the principal, the counselor, moms and dads of my kiddos peers. My friends on Facebook.

My family isn't close to me, most of them are in Argentina. But thanks to Facebook

My aunt in Miami she was awesome on support me and pick me up on those days when I feel my world falling apart, she help me to trust God and let the thing be. I'm learning to be patient and calm. Resolving everything that comes one day at the time. Thanks Roxana and Roberto for all the support.

How I can still stand up, with my smile on my face and my desired to live? the answer for that is God give me fight and my boys keep me strong.They are taking this in a very mature way for they ages and I'm so proud of them even more now but right now I'm the one who want them to feel proud of me. I want to show them how strong I can be and that my fight for them will never end.

Now we are celebrating 9 months of exclusive breastfeed. He just start trying solid like 2 weeks ago but breast milk still his first source of nutrition and he is doing great, at 20lb 30z 31in he is healthy as can be, he learn to crawl 2 months ago and he is standing and trying to walk already.

Everything happen for a reason, better thing are coming to my way and here I am waiting for it. Is not the end of the story, is just a new beginning for better. I still have more pages to write in this book of life.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Happy 5th birthday my mini me...

Tatito you came to my life and safe me and I always will thanks God for that.
Soon after you born I realize that you was more than a  beautiful boy, more than my son, You was more special than you ever imagin.

You make me proud, you amaze me every day even more.. 
And you are so kind and sweet that you even realize how special and smart you are. 
Or maybe you do, and you just love mess up with me.
You are my mini me in so many ways, but I wish I can learn to be more like you one day.

When you try to teach me Math, or the solar system, or how many calories I should eat. I just want to hold you, and kiss you like when you was a baby, and then you stop me and start talking about the germs and my heart melt. I wish I can hold you and stop you for growing so fast, But I understand  how special you are and how big my responsibilities are  guiding you in this life. 

You will fly my son, may be faster than I thought but I will be there for you. Don't get frustrated with the world, don't put yourself in a bubble. Show your knowledge, express yourself and live your life to the fullest.I will be there for you, celebrating all your achievements

Happy 5th Birthday Tatito Mama Love you a lot.
PS: I'm not sure if I can make you a cake with 30 sprinkles in a perfect cirlce but I will try...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Happy 8 birthday my big boy

Nacho, I want to thank you my big boy.

Thank you for been my light on my darkest day. 
Thanks you for be the funniest, sweetest boy who change my world with just a smile.
I love you, I love you even more than you can imaged my cutie pie.

Thank you for teach me, I'm  learning  from you cutie pie.
I was very blessed with you. 
You are my joy, you are my helper and my cutie pie.

Today you are turning 8 years old, is a happy day for you. You love chocolate cake, a special breakfast and presents. You will enjoy your day to the fullest as you usually do, with your big smile and lovely checks.
today I celebrate 8 years of endless fun, franks, coddles and love. you turn my life into an endless adventure.

My wish for you my son today is simple, is not a great party or cake.
My wish for you is that you never change, please never loss your kindness sweetie pie.

Nacho I want to be like you when I grow up <3 
I love son Happy Birthday 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A letter to my son "Lautaro"

We meet on this day 10 years ago, but my heart was already loving you even before your conception.

I will never forget that day, 10 years ago. You my son, the most amazing and beautiful 9lb 2oz that I

ever hold.

I will never forget that day, 10 years ago. When I hold you for the very first time.Words no always say what
the heart really feel, but you and me, my son. We share a language that only us can understand. We speak with love.

I will never forget that day, 10 years ago. Your smell, still live in my nose. Your soft cry, asking for the
comfort of my breast. Your eyes wide open looking right at me, trying to explore this new world.

I will never forget that day, 10 years ago. When you make me understand, the really mean of life it self.
When you teach me, that I'm so important that God chose me as your mom. Even if many night I ask my
self if I deserve this beautiful gift.

I will never forget that day, 10 years ago. When I became your mom, you became my life.

Lauty as you grow, you will notice that life isn't perfect, that people isn't perfect, and I'm not perfect.
That's ok  because we no need to be perfect, we just need to try our best in this life.

As your mom I can't promise you that I will not make mistakes, because I already make a lot of mistakes.
That's ok, mistakes are good for people that's help us learn.

I can't promise that you never get hurt, even if I would give my life for you, some times is not in my
hands. But I do promise you to help you find ways to heal.

I can't give you a perfect family, with no fights, no drama and always happy faces. But I can teach you
understand our feelings and help you deal with us.

I can't guarantee that you will succeed in life, you must face a lot of obstacle, like all the people do. You must
find your on way to succeed, but I guarantee that you will have my support, encourage and all the tolls to
fly on your own.

Happy Brithday Lauty, I love you...

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Remembering 9/11

It has been 10 years since Sept. 11, 2001
Like most people I'm sure that I will have that day in my mind for ever.

I didn't born in this country, I didn't lived my childhood here, but I love this country as an adopted child love his parent.
We can't chose the family were we born, but we do chose our friends, our love and were we want to be. I chose America, this is the land were I start my family, were my kids born. The land were I feel that I belong. Even if I still need to improved my English. I love this country, his culture and his people.

I can't forget the land who saw me grow, but here is were I belong now. I respect, love and feel his pain as an American.

I love this country even  before I moved here and here is a little story:

"I remember, it was almost 14 years ago or so. It was the world cup for soccer, and Argentina love soccer. The principal at my school let us paint our faces and were our teem t-shirt on game days.
Next Monday it was USA VS hmm? I'm not sure, but I show up with the USA flag painted on my cheeks. OMG I make a big revolution at school, and the bigining of more to came.
I was send to satation, but next day it was alot of kids with faces painting with flags of diferents countries, and we make a flash mub. That was the day I realize I will be an activists..."

I don't know what make me love USA, maybe was "the nanny" , "step by step" or " the Simpson" who I grow up with. Before I know it, I was saying good bye to my friends and family.

I came here on March 2001 and  I was 3 months pregnant with Lauty. WOW Miami was even more beautiful in person. Everything amassed me the beach , the parks, the malls, etc. Everything was so beautiful.
Months go by, I was taking care of one nice who at that moments was 9 months old, my mom start working right away.
 It was hard, I was along all day, no friends and pregnant.

September 3th 2001~ my due date nothing was happening. My mom take me to the park 2 times a day to help with labor, but nothing, just a couple of contractions here and there.

September 7th 2001~ OB-GYN app, he check me I was 1cm dilated. he say call me on Monday if nothing happen before I will indus you on Tuesday Sep 11.

September 10th 2001~ Monday was here but my mom has to cover a shift. She ask me if I can call the Dr and ask him to hold on my induction until wensday. I was sick of everyone trying to deside when my child should born, so I call and make and app for friday September 14th, that way I will have more time and let labor start on his own. That night I whent down and up of the apartment stirs like carzy, at 11pm finaly I start feeling some contractions. I was so extited.  Whent to bed at 1am and try to sleep as much as posible " if labor has started I will need the energy".

September 11th 2001~  This day stay in mine mind like if was yesterday! I wake up at 8:55, I always reach for my remote control even before open my eyes. Turn on the tv in front of my bed, I was home along, my mom went to work at 7am. It was 9:00 when I finaly open my eyes, "whats going on? is this a movie? 9:03 I saw the second plane crashed into the South Tower... I couldn't belived my eyes, is this realy happen? finaly I saw that word on the top of the scren "live".

My contractions stop, "in what kind of world I bringing this child to". The news was everywere, and everyone was scare. I can't take from my mind the imagen of that people jumping from the towers...and keep thinking!

That day a mother lost his child, a child lost his father, a wife lost her love, a husband lost her best friend,  and this country has pain in his heart. I do too.
Watching the planes hit the towers, was the most heart breaking thing i could ever watch.

I was scared to go out, at that moment I was glad that my labor has stoped. I didn't know if we were safe.

September 14th 2001~ I keep my app, life must go on and this child can't be inside me for ever, he was 2 weeks over due.

Finaly September 15th my son "Lautaro" was born, it take us 5 months to leve the house. He wasent on my womb any more, how Im going to protect him?

One day an old men saw my 5 months old son and say " he is a special boy, he has the strength, he maybe a president one day"
The men was drunk, I think, but his words still on my head untill today. I don't know what he will became when he grow up, But what I do know is that I will teach him and his siblins to love the world, to make love insted of word. I can't change the world, I only wish for a better one for generations to came.

My heart goes out all of the families of the victims, all the heros who losses their live trying to safe others.

And thanks to the everybody that helped, all those who became heros. Thanks to them i have found that my faith and love to america is strong than ever.  Thanks again for our 9-11 heros.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Teen and young mom 100 likes giveaway!!! thanks to Mommy Jewelry Sturdy and Purdy

Who don't like Giveaways right? Well thanks to Jeemma owner of Mommy Jewelry Sturdy and Purdy who is donated a  Nursing Necklace  I have the oportunity to thanks the mommys who fallow us on facebook.
NEW ITEM: Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace
NEW ITEM: Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace NEW ITEM: Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace NEW ITEM: Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace NEW ITEM: Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace
 Happy Baby All Wood Teething Ring, Nursing Necklace
This all natural organic maple teething ring measures 2 1/2 inches. The textured wooden bead is about 3/4 inch. The teething ring and the wooden beads are all finished with Certified Organic Flaxseed oil but if you would like them unfinished, please leave me a message in the note to the seller during the check out. Beeswax is available as well. It is safe for your little one to chomp on. The 100 percent 2 mm cotton cord is extremely durable. The necklace is adjustable up to 28 inches with a Sliding Knot.

It is very durable and is made for baby wearing moms, caregivers, or anyone who cares for young ones with busy hands. It is also a great baby shower gift.
I have one my self and Thomy-tomato and I love it, I wear glasses so this necklace is great to keep my chunky monkey hands busy.
Jeemma is a work at home mom, she create this wonderful jewelry with love. She has a great good adorable jewelry in her etsy store "mylilmarket" . Thomy- tomato love his amber necklace, is cute, look good and I get my happy baby again.
Want to win this beautiful Mama necklace?
Here are the rules:
  1. like us on facebook Teen and Young Mom and leave a comment on the wall telling us what do you want to win this Nursing Necklace.
  2. like Mommy Jewelry Sturdy and Purdy facebook page and say that teen and young mom send you
  3. for extra chance tell your friend to came and like us on facebook and if they leave a comment telling me that you send them your name will appear 2 times in the raffle, also you friend has a chance to win.
  4. The winner will be announce on Teen and Young Mom August 29th 2011
  5. **The Giveaway is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with, Facebook®**
  6.  Open to US only :)

    Good look

Friday, August 5, 2011

My kids are the proved that I'm a good mom

I was preparing a post about breastfeeding in celebration of breastfeeding week, but if I don't take this out of my mind I not going to be able to sleep tonight. Why because I think too much.

The day start was great, after a full night of great sleep (thomy-tomato slept from 7pm to 6:30am waking up to breastfeed only one time) I was looking forward for a great day. It was my chuncky monkey 1/2 b-day, and while having a coffe at the same time that I was pumping because my  breast was so engorged, I was writing a post on teen and young mom letting everyone know that today is a great day we are celebrating 6
months of my little one life and 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding.

After posting some cute pics on facebook of my son I recived a masege from a great mom telling me that she is coming today to pick up the breastmilk that I have for her. She has a big trip 3 hrs to get here and 3 hrs back home, she was coming with her kids so we plan a little play date. In my way to meet her my mom call me asking me if I want to came over her house so she can see the kids, I say sure I be there around 2 pm, ok great she say.

I when to meet this awesome mommy, We had a great time, the kids play together and we get to know each other talking about cloth diapers, teething necklace and baby legs. My best part was when we nurse our babies together.

I was having a great day, the kids wanted some milkshakes so we past to a chik fil a on our way to may mom's house, I call my hubby who was finishing with our lawn to came and meet us there.and

here come the reason on this post, the reason that change my day and make me realize how right I am in my resolution  on moving far away from my relatives.

I get there and my olders kids get the car as faster as they can to run to the front door, I was taking my 6 months old from his car seat when I here my grandpa, who lives there with my mom, yelling to my kids in a very bad way because they take to long on closing the door and koki (my moms dog) run outside. At that moment I hear this voice again telling me " take your kids and leave" I hear that little voice so many times before and I always regret for not listening to her, any one was in this situation when a internal voice try to save you and you don't listen to her? OMG I never listen to that voice, why? I don't get it, why I don't listen?

Any way once  inside my grandpa was cleanig the floor with a very moody mood and as soon as I cross the door he give me all the complains about how miserable his life is, that he dosen't have a job, that he is taking care of my mom kids and how bad behaved are they.I just listen to him and say Hi how are you boys to my little brothers, they are 5 and 4years old.

Then my grandma finally ask me how I was doing. I smile and say " great I just camefrom a little play date with this great mom who came to pick up the breastmilk that was in my frezeer, it was like 300oz" I didn't finish to say that and here's what he say to me yelling in a very high voice:

grandpa: I don't get it, you are so stupid. Why you need to help that woman, she is not your family, she even give you any gift or money in compensation for your milk. You are so f#@%$ stupid.

me: I do it because I like to help, is nothing wrong on help people and I no need anything  for doing this. In fact she is helping me get rid of so much extra milk any way. And you're telling me to help the family? yeah because the family help me, I help the family so many times and they even say thank u in fact they judge me or worse they call me stupid like you right now. This amazing woman say thank you to me and she give me a hug, and I was in need of that hug. SO in my point of view I give her something that she needs and she give me something that I need.

Grandpa: well people like you never have nothing, a hug don't pay bills, she needs to compensate you with something, you have your husband working and you are so lazy in the house,at least you can make money with that, nobody think in a so much stupid way like you.One thing is help the family and other think is help a extraiger for free that, look at your mom I have to help her with the kids and clean the house so she can go to collage.

me: (at this point my blood was boiling but I try my best to hold my tears) I help my mom all my life, even if she never help me. I take care of my brothers even when I was sick so she can go party with her new boyfriend. I pass all my pregnancy consoling her and helping her with her divorse, I went to court with my premature baby 5 days after my c-section. She leave me the kids so she can go shopping with her new bf (other one) 7 days after my c-section.And I did this and so much more without waiting for recompensa from her, I did this bc I love her. But gets what when she start changing from man to man and this behaibors start confusing my kids...

he cut what I was saying...

grandpa: well kids no need to interfere with grownups life,and your mom has the right to do with her life what she want, and she no need to care what you or your kids think, you're the one who need to teach those kids in no put their nouses in other person life.

me: No not really bc is a thin line between do werever you wnat with your life and bother or perjudiciar other peaples life,and when you are a parent, is may be your life but you need to think in your kids first becouse any any decision you make can affect their life too. My mom already made my childhood miserable he make a lot of mistake who even cost my health. I want my kids away from that. So when I call her the day before mother's day and I found out that she sleep with her ex  housband, the one who abuse physiological, the same one who make she cry in my sholder asking for me to came defend her,even with my pregnant belly I step in front of him a prevent that he hit my mom. She was sleeping in the same bed with him, and when I tell her that enough is enough, she tell me "is my life you can tell me waht you do" you know how I feel? I feel used by her.

Then he started talking about how wrong I was in my parenting style, that I hold my kids too much, that I need to let them cry blablabla. My family think that I'm wrong,for wear my kids in my moby wrap all the time, for breastfeed, for co-sleep, for not let them cry.

When I was almost a steep out of the house because I was unable to hold my tears, my hubby came in, and in second my grandpa transform in a sweet pea, offer my hubby something to drink and they start talking to each other about the weather. I was WTH? inside I wanted to run in my hubbys arms and tell him was just happend here.

He was pretending that nothing happened,  I did as well with my eye holding the tears. My little one wake up and it was time to breastfeed him so I just take a deep breath, a glass of cold milk and try to forget what just has happened here.

After nursing my son, I start checking the mail (I have my mom house as a mailing address after some mail was lost in my house) I found a letter from my son school who came at my 9 years old name, I open the letter and the tears that I was trying to hold came out faster than ever, but this time there were tears of joy, tears that came from my proud mama's heart.

That later proved to me one more time that I'm doing a great job, that I have amazing kids and they deserve a better family, a family who cares for each other and love each other. at that moment I convince myself that I'm making the right decision on moving my family far awey, that I need to teach different values I can't repeat all those things that my family believes as a right way to rise kids.We need to be just my hubby, kiddos and my self. we no need any one else.

What that letter say change my day for the better, what that letter say put a smile in my face again. What that letter say make me realize that what really matters is my little family and no bady else.

It say :" Your son achieved the higher score on the FCAT test for math and reading.Your child is eligible to enroll in a virtual middle school course. your child will receive middle school credits. "

My 9 years old has a 6.8 level in math and 5.9 level in reading and he just finish 3rd grade. You know what this mean to me? I'm writing this and Im just can't stop crying tears of joy. I no have words to explain how proud I am to be his mom, is in day like today when I realize that God had a plan on me getting pregnat at 16, it wasn't a mistake, because when I look at him I know that he is amazing, and is my son and that's make me amazing, it doesn't matter that my family think I'm stupid, or that I do everything wrong. Because when I look at my children I feel proud of my self.

And you know what? if been a good person who is willing to help others,  means that I'm stupid, if raise my kids the way I'm raising them means that I'm stupid, Well so I'm happy to be so stupid. in fact I prefer to be stupid all my life and no make the same mistakes that my family make with me.

To finish this I like to say, that the reason that I'm hearing this is because when people like Amber from teen mom, ( just to give an example that maybe all know) do that kind of stuff like say bad words  infront of her child or fight with her partner, or let her boyfriend change her daughter diapers and she think that is no causing a long term damage or worse to her child. They are wrong, my mom was wrong and it take time to heal.

What is sad is this kind parenting style like cry it out,  spanked for being naughty  or no hold your child because they think that is spoiling them. Is wrong,  kids need love, kids need to be spoiled, they grow to fast and they learn to be secure and confident when you respond to her cry, or when you wear them and when you kiss them.

if you have question about cry it out check out this great post

the no-cry it out solution
cry it out couses brian damage