Saturday, June 18, 2011

My first child at 16 years old

It was January 1st 2001 after celebrate the new year with my family my friend brought me a pregnancy test, 5 minutes later "I'm pregnant". Oh I remember how my legs and all my body start getting heavy and heavier but inside of me I felt calm and happy so I just smile "you are crazy" my friend told me, I say no, what is done is done I can't change it now, I just trying to swallow it".
At that moment I really not care what people will say or think, until next morning when I saw my mom. I failed her, I failed to the woman who always try to prevent this. My Mother had me when she was 15 years old. At that moment my world fall apart, I start remember all the hard time  my mom past with me, it was years when even eat every day was hard," my mom work so hard for give a good life, for give me a good education and now I'm going to break her heart". The next day I call my aunt (she was in Miami and we were in Argentina) and tell her, I ask her if she can tell my mom because I wasn't strong enough, she did, 30 minutes later she enter in my room hug me and cry.
My mom and I, 12 weeks pregnant

The next day she take me to what I think was a doctor office, I was wrong it was an abortion clinic. The nurse there start explaining the procedure, I cry and look at my mom and say "I don't want this" she say "I know" grab my hand and we left. Once outside the clinic she hug me again and say "I'm sorry, I know you don't want this, because when I was 15 I couldn't do it and now I can't imagine my life without you" "we can do this, we go thru this together".
Before all this happen we were planing to move to the USA, all my family was here and we sold our house so we just keep to the plan, and 3 months later we moved to Miami finally all the family together.

It was a hard year, I'm not only lose my friends, moved to a new country with a new language, start a new school and  also I  was 16 and pregnant.
Once here, I start with my doctors appointment, my pregnancy was doing great. Soon I found out I was having a boy!!! oh I was so happy I pick his name right away " Lautaro" a name with strength, with history. At 20 weeks I felt his movement for the first time, I never feel so much joy in my life, how wonderful moment.
 35 weeks pregnant


As soon as I was installed in our new house I start to take care of my  9 months old nice, my aunt who was 18 at that moment ( yes teen pregnancy run  in our family) he was working full time and having problems with her hubby so I take care of her until my baby was born . It was a great experience and training for me I really enjoy it.

Months fly, missing my baby father (I never hear from him again) but this little joy inside me give me the strength  I  never had before. I used this 9 months to learn as much as I can about motherhood, breastfeeding, labor and delivery. Before I knew it  I was aware about the latest news and studies of the American Associate of Pediatrician, but I never feel so scare in my life, there is no book who can prepare you for Motherhood, that's come with allot of patience, love and dedication, is a never stop learning experience.

On September 11, 2001 (the same day as the 9/11 attacks) I was 2 weeks over due, and after I saw the news that day, I start thinking "a what kind of world I'm bringing this child to" I was more scare then, but no turning back my Doctor induce me that Friday, after a 24 hrs of labor "Lautaro Ezequiel was born in a natural birth without any meds, weighed 9lb 2oz 21in" he was just perfect and healthy little boy.
But no body prepare me for what came next. I was determinate to exclusive breastfeed him, but because I was young the nurses assume that I want to give him formula, so when they bring my son to my room he has his tummy full of formula and a very bad nipple confusion. To make the thing worse my nipple were flat. I cry 2 days straight for that. I say to my mom " I want to breastfeed him, I don't want to give up" so my mom bring me a breast pump and I start pumping not only to get milk for him but to give shape to my nipples. At that moment when my mom left a nurse came and tell me " if you can't breastfeed give him a bottle of formula he is starving" I say yes and throw the formula to the garbage. The next day now at home, my breast was so engorged and sore, but I was so happy, I was producing milk. But I still have the latching problem. I was pumping 3oz each side and give him the bottle, he was having my milk but that wasn't enough for me I want to breastfeed him, so I remember what a saw in a Babies Rus weeks ago " a nipple shield I scream calling my mom" "what?" she say " a nipple shield is for put in your nipple if you have pain or something like this, that maybe work" . So she run to buy one, an hour later finally I was breastfeeding my son, what a wonderful experience, I love every second.
With my son Lutaro at 5 days old

Weeks fly and by 8 weeks we wean the nipple shield and we both master the art of breastfeeding. I keep pumping so we can have  breast milk for Lautaro while I  go to school. And no body prepare me for whats came next also. My school not allowed me to pump, I was in pain all day, so my mom start bring him to school at lunch time so he can empty my breast and I can concentrate in school. My mom was a great support until she fall in love and get married. Now I was on my own.
 Lauty at 3 months old


When my son was 5 months old I meet a great man, we became best friend and he
was always around to help me. My mom was more and more distant and living her
new life, and I was so happy for her (but I never like her new husband). Her
husband was really mean and I receive a lot of verbal abuse from him until
one day he told me " why you just go, can you stop ruin your mother life?" I did.
Lauty at 9 months old


So I finish high school, by that time that great friend of mine became the man of my
life. I start a nursing program and continued study English at a local collage, I also
work part time selling news paper. My days were very busy, get up at 5 am ( thanks
to breastfeeding and co-sleeping I get some rest) take my son to day care, sell news
papers from 6am to 9am, go breastfeed him at the day care, go to my ESOL class,
pick up my son at day care at 1pm enjoy my time with him, bath him and make him
sleep, my boyfriend take care of him from 7pm to 10pm for my nursing assistant classes. It was so hard, many times I feel "I can't do this, is to much for me, I want give up" "but I can't give up loving my son" and I keep pushing my self.
My son and I his first birthday


We start living together, he adopt my son and love him so much. I know he was the
men for me. He love me, give me support, pick me up when I was down.
We both knew that we need to prevent pregnancy so I start with nuva ring.
A year later we were pregnant...

4 comments:

  1. This is a beautiful story! Well done! Your boy know how much you love him. If you can do it with your struggles, anyone can. Thank you for sharing!

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  2. Wow! You have so much courage and determination and you've risen over so many challenges. What a great mother you have been to your baby and what a good example you've shown him.

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  3. You are a strong and capable woman! Your story is very inspiring.

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  4. Thanks everyone, sorry that I couldn't respond, for some reason my own blog not let me. I realy apresiate your words :) thanks so much

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