Surviving the criticism and society

I'm just tired of criticism, I been face criticism my entire life. Not only for been a teen mom, for everything I do. Its looks like it was never be enough  to make my family proud of me.


Some days ago, one person wrote in Teen and young mom facebook wall(http://www.facebook.com/Teen.Young.Mom),  that we just ruined our lives. I deleted the post because I want that Teen and young mom be a safe place for us to share our experience, and support each other "criticism free" . And because I believe that motherhood is something beautiful and deserve our respect. A child not ruined his mother life, a child came to our life to give us strength and love. In my case my son saved me, my boys are the reason for me to stand in this life.

I'm not saying that been a teen/young mom is the best, in fact is a hard work, instead of going out with your friends, dedicated to school, sports etc. You need to grow up fast and put your self away, and give up important part of childhood.

But that doesn't mean you ruined your life, you just living your life different.
society  tell us that perfect life is :

1- finish your career
2-get married ( if you are lucky enough to find time between career and work)
3- buy a house, travel around the world etc
4- then have a baby

Sound perfect right? well all of us growing up with this in mind, even my self. But life is not that easy, you have obstacles to face. People need to make mistakes, that's the only way that the human will learn, some will make less mistake than others but at the end all will make mistakes.

Well society teach us that we need to be perfect to be accepted, that we need to do what they expect us to do to have a great life. But what happened when you don't do it in the order that the others want it? let me tell you the answer, they criticize you, some or a very few will give you encourage or support, but most people will be really rude and judge you

I face that all my life, when I was a little girl all that I wanted is make my mom proud.  But she never say anything encourage to me, she never help me or ask for my homework, she never had time to check with my  teachers .I'm not judging her, she was a teen mom and her life wasn't easy.

 When I start sports (jockey) I wanted to be the best, soon I realized that no one in my family care about my jockey practice, so I give up. Months later they tell me that I was lazy  because I wasn't doing anything, so I start ice skating, soon I found out how good I was, I even won a trophy. A year later my mom say she can't take me to my practice because she was too busy.

Between the age of 7 to 15 I did jockey, ice skating, ballet, swimming, soccer, volleyball, drama, painting, music, etc. For one reason or other I have to give it up, and every time I did, my family say that I was lazy and I can't committed, "you never finish what you start" they say.

Soon I understood that I can't make them happy, what I need is find my own happiness. So I believed that I will never will be something in this life, my grades start  to go down, I lose interest in everything, I start smoking in fact I was lost. My life didn't matter any more so I was going to ruin it.

When I turn 15 well I get pregnant, you can read my pregnancy story here http://mylifeasateen-youngmom.blogspot.com/2011/06/it-was-january-1st-2001-after-celebrate.html?spref=fb .

 

It was hard at 16 have a son, work, study and please my family. My mom was starting a new relationship and as usual I was left out, so I focus in my studies and my son, who at that point became the most important reason to succeed.

Now I no have to make my family happy, I no need they to be proud of me. The most important opinion in my life is in my son. He is the one that one day have to be proud of me, he is the one who matters now, he was my little family.

My son give me the strength and the power of believe in my self. He was the reason to push my self to success. I don't know how my life will be if a wasn't pregnant at 16, maybe I would had a good career, may be not,  provably not.

Thinking back on how was my experience in school, and everything I was trying to do (jockey, soccer, ballet, etc) and how I give up everything because I felt that no body care, it was a good chance that I wouldn't succeed.

I think that all that happen to us in this life is for a reason, maybe it wasn't the best
that I had my son at 16, but thanks to that I'm the person who I'm today, thanks to
that I finish what I start, thanks to my son I not give up any more. I have a reason
why stay in this life.

I have a career, I get married, I buy a house, and I have good vacations, I'm not a millionaire but I can not complain. But maybe I couldn't have all this today if I didn't had my son at 16. And for sure I couldn't have the great life that I have today if my boys were not here today.

"Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It's about understanding that he is exactly the person he is supposed to be. And that, if you're lucky, he just might be the teacher that turns you into the person you are supposed to be." -- Joan Ryan